We're ready to talk about the fifth level of relating, humor. In the last four articles we've talked about improving the initial non-verbal contact, the greeting, conversation and cooperation. Today we'll talk about the fun part of communication where we engage in humor, banter, teasing, play and the give and take that is so important in a relationship.
Humor pushed far enough becomes abuse, doesn't it? Consider the kinds of humor that exist by Birth Order. Only Child humor is sarcasm, First Born is shaming, Second Born is teasing, Third Born is demeaning and Fourth Born is insulting. In the extreme all of these can be abusive.
We all have an aversion to abuse. During childhood we got abused, or thought we did, by someone older and bigger than we were. Since it was an unpleasant experience we decided that when we grew up we would not abuse someone else.
Yet, there are times we find ourselves abusing someone. In that childhood experience we developed memories that make us abuse others because whoever was abusing us in childhood set a role model us that got imbedded in our memories. In other words, these memories that make us abuse others but we resist doing it.
These memories put us off balance. We are not able to engage in humor because it may be abusive. We are not able to stand up for ourselves because that might be abusive. We're not able to be direct with someone because that would be abusive.
To enable humor we have you tell your subconscious to forget the memories that make you abuse others. That resolves the inner conflict between memories that make you abuse others and the memories that say you can't abuse anyone.
In childhood you engaged in playful abuse. You'd wrestle, throw snowballs, poke fun, make faces, tease, embarrass and insult playmates. They in turn did the same for you. All this was great fun.
Adults engaging in humor similarly abuse each other. For robust humor it is necessary to be able to abuse others playfully. So, we have you tell your subconscious to remember the memories that let you abuse others. This should set you free to engage in the give and take of lively humor.
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Kids often want to be different from their parents so setting an example may not work. Kind, generous, thoughtful and loving interaction with your kids can do the trick. In a way, your throwing a tantrum may have the effect of making them more considerate if they don't want to be like you.
A good rule to follow is that if you don't like how people are acting toward you change what you are doing. That may be difficult to do but that's why we keep learning how to do things differently. Good luck with your kids. Hope things get better.