Greeting - The Second Level Of Interaction

Remember the six levels of interaction? They are non-verbal contact, greeting, interaction, cooperation, play and closeness, in that order. Birth Order effects can interfere with each level to diminish the encounter. Today we look at the greeting.

After the initial smile, two people will greet each other. A greeting says "I like what I see." If there is no greeting the message is "I don't like what I see." The non-verbal message accompanying the greeting may contradict the greeting - in other words the non-verbal message may say "I don't like you" even though there is a greeting.

Liking someone became a problem from childhood when a playmate broke one of your valued toys. You ranted shouting, "I don't like her anymore. I hate her!" Your mother told you, "Don't say that! She's your friend. You like her. Accidents happen." So, you knew you had to like your friend even though you were angry with her. This kind of memory continues to affect how you greet people. Memories from the subconscious create the non-verbal communication that goes with the greeting. Sometimes, the non-verbal is good but sometimes it is not.

Each Birth Order expresses the problem of not liking others differently when greeting people.

The Only Child does not want anyone to feel disliked so may greet others with exuberance to be sure they feel liked. In denying the memories of not being able to like someone the Only goes overboard in greeting others. Of course, exuberance is appropriate as in greeting someone whom you have not seen for a long time, under special circumstances like being honored or when the encounter is unexpected. But, when used to make others feel good it's a way of telling the other person to smile.

The First Born, cautious about losing any possible love, is compelled to greet everyone. To do it right, the First Born wants to match his greeting to the other person's greeting. If the other person says "Good morning" the First Born cannot say "Hi" without feeling guilty. He has to say "Good morning" also. The non-verbal First Born message is one of caution rather than friendliness. While this is acceptable to most people it does not promote a healthy encounter.

The Second Born is likely to avoid greeting someone whom he or she dislikes. The Second Born who tries to avoid emotion gives greetings that are crisp, short and without much emotion - or give greetings with an excess of emotion. Sometimes the Second Born avoids discomfort in greeting by including teasing in the greeting. The teasing is a way to skip conversation and cooperation to go directly to play. .

The Third Born out of a feeling of vulnerability is apt to include humor in the greeting. It feels safer. The encounter is awkward for the other person because there is a jump from greeting to humor, skipping the conversation and cooperation steps. Notice how hard it is to have a conversation when the greeting includes humor?

The Fourth Born, having to hide feelings, may skip greetings altogether. Sometimes they also skip saying "goodbye." Rather than greet a person the Fourth Born may jump to being close. Striving to be close the Fourth Born becomes personal, crowds your space or gets right down to business with you. The Fourth Born skips the greeting and conversation, and sometimes cooperation and humor as well. The Fourth Born often goes directly to being close. This is uncomfortable for most people.

In order to improve your greeting you can tell yourself, "Forget the memories that make you like others." These memories are mother making you like someone you don't like. Forgetting those memories subtracts that dislike from your non-verbal communication. Telling yourself, "Remember the memories that let you like others" liberates your subconscious to put the non-verbal message of "I like you" into your greeting.